and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
