I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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