So drunk its hurt
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
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you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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