I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
