I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
