I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
