I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
