I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
