3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
