I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
