I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
