Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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