What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
