Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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