what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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