Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
