i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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