His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
