dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
