Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
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And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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