How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
