Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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