You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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