I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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