I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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