i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
