Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
