Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
