I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
