Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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