I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
