I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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