I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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