He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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