im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
