so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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