My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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