I didn't shave. On purpose
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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