someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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