that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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