john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
