Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
