Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
