Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
