Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Holy sore nipples Batman
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
