I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
