soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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