i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
