Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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