well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
whose parrot is this?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
there is glitter all over my balls
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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