I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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