You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
