I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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