absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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