Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did i walk over a car last night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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