can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
