he wants to bone in the snuggie
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
