I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
