they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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