Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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