i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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