my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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