Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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